


Not Simple At All

by HushAndWatchTheSky



Category: overwatch
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Broken Jesse McCree, Controlling emotions, Fake Character Death, Having Faith, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, angst kinda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-11 11:46:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7890736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HushAndWatchTheSky/pseuds/HushAndWatchTheSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death is simple. It always has been. An agent gets taken by Talon, to getting shot in the head. You learn to never keep people close. </p><p>Jesse McCree forgot that rule, and now doesn't know whether to regret it, or to take it in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taking It In

**Author's Note:**

> Woah this is my first fic, please constructive criticism is appriciated. I hope you enjoy my suffering I am about to put you through.

_He should've known._

Jesse should've known love never succeeded in his line of work. Always in the line of fire, along with everyone else. But he went ahead and did it anyway. He fell in love and got carried away. 

_Carried away and it died._

He died. Hanzo died. Hanzo Shimada, the ex-yakuza archer who could fire dragon spirits, the most beloved man to Jesse McCree, died. 

_And he wasn't there to protect him._

A hole was already punch into the wall. Jesse hasn't eaten hardly anything in a week and it was taking its toll on him. He wasn't his joyful, laughing cowboy. He was a man stripped from his lover and left to live alone. Forever. 

_Forever with out Hanzo._

It was ringing in his ears. His face was red from dry sobbing, for his tears were long gone. He was empty. He hasn't showered. That was the least of his troubles. He wanted Hanzo back but nothing could be done about it. 

_Nothing._

He heard faint knocking of the Swiss doctor, attempting to come and comfort the mess of himself. He curled up in the corner where he held the yellow hair ribbon in his hands. "Come.. Come in.." He barely mumbled, shaking slightly.

He heard the door slid open and Angela gently walked in. She was in her nurses outfit, with a pair of socks on. Her eyes were dull, for she too has been grieving over the elder Shimada. "Jesse, dear.." She began, gently sitting beside him. "I-You.." She began to say, but then began to quietly sob. "I.. I." She breathed in, "I am sorry."

_Sorry. Why should she be sorry? She did everything she could to save Hanzo, and here she is appologizing._

Jesse slowly looked up and said through a broken voice, "Do-Don't be. You.. You tried." His accent always left when he cried. He held the yellow ribbon to his heart as he turned to face the doctor. "I.. I know you tried." His eyes were glazed over, in a trance.

**A voice was ringing in his head. It was Lena, the girl who could blink through time. She came into Jesse's room a sobbing mess. The words broke out of her mouth like a knife, stabbing the cowboy in the heart. "Hanzo... Hanzo didn't make it throu-through the night.." She then broke out into a sob, before saying, "Ange tried.. Tried but was too late.." He couldn't here the rest. He didn't want to. He sat on his bed, in shock.**

_"Jesse? Jesse dear.."_

It was Angela, now with a worried expression on her face. "I..I" She began, but cut herself off as the man hugged her tightly. "T-Thank You.." Was all that was said through the cowboy's mouth. "You.. You can go now.. I.. Will be fine." 

_No. No you won't. You know that._

In fact, he did. He knew he would be out of his room for another month before going out for a breath of fresh air, and was greeted cautiously by the other agents. He wouldn't speak to anyone other than his closest friends. He wouldn't hold eye contact without getting teary eyed. Another month passed with slight improvements. He's learned to remain calm on simple missions, such as payloads.

He heard the robotic voice of Athena go off in his room. "Agent McCree, you are wanted in meeting room 2 for a gathering. It is advised to go."

 


	2. The Shadows of King's Row

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse is now on his first mission, to the last place he wanted to be. King's Row. 
> 
> Don't go down that street, he reminded himself. Don't go to the bus stop. He looked up, to see he was already there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh.. Another chapter?
> 
> Lucky you guys!

"Agent McCree, you are wanted in Meeting Room 2." The robotic voice of Athena erupted his empty thoughts. 

_Ok.. It will be fine. Probably only a mission._

He arose and responded, "Thank Ya, Athena, I'll be goin'" He went into his bathroom and stared at the mirror. His face has gained some shape of what it once was, but his eyes shown of sleepless, and sometimes drunken nights. 

He sighed and washed his face, trying to make himself more presentable. When he made himself decent, he left the bathroom and dresses himself into his usual attire. They were in the Gibraltar base now, moving around everyonce in awhile. 

He went and began making his way to the room, and when he entered, he realized everyone was staring at him. He made note of everyone that was there. Hana, Lena, Angela, Jack, Zenyatta, Genji, Winston and a few more familiar faces. He looked at two chairs infront of him, and reminded himself briefly that one would not be used. He swallowed hard at the thought, but kept a straight face and sat down. "Er.. Howdy.." He tried to chime in, but realized his voice was more broken. 

_Maybe if you shut your mouth that wouldn't have happened._

He looked up, and Winston began to explain the mission, in a slow and almost hesitated place. "We.. We are going to escort a payload at King's Row. I have already assigned who is going." He paused, then said. "Angela, Lena, Hana, Reinhardt, and McCree." 

_No._

His mind began to scream. 

_No. You will not._

A small quiver of his lip was all that Jesse was going to show as he and the rest of his team mates were excused. He was the last one when suddenly a flash of blue appeared infront of him. "Luv, are you ok?" She place a gently hand on his shoulder. "I'm here if you need anything."

"I.. I'm fine Lena.. No need to be worryin'"

She gave a soft smile and nodded, "Alrighty then!" And blinked away.

\----------

He was suited and ready physically to go. Peacekeeper was loaded, ready in his holster. But in his mind, he was screaming. He didn't want to step foot here ever again, but he knew he would have to live through the past. He kept his hat lowered so that no one could see the tears in his eyes.

_Why here? Why me? Why?_

He felt himself about to start sobbing so he quickly cleared his throat and straigtened his posture. Why why why. That was the word of the day. Why this, why that. Why? Why not.

He felt the plane stop and he quickly began unloading himself from it to escort the payload. Talon was here.

_And Talon would pay. Talon would pay for what they did to his dragon._

He began tearing through every street, gun ready to shoot any enemy he saw. He wanted to see the blood spilt of the ones who shot his archer. His dragon. His Hanzo.

He quickly remembered to avoid different places, as he was thinking, thoughts were buzzing in his head, the words in his ear comm were tuned out by his own head.

_Don't go down that street. Don't stand under that street light._

A glare filled his vision as he realized he was already there. Dread doubled over the anxiety filling up in his lungs, in his stomach. He felt as if he may vomit. He bent down and heard footsteps going towards him, enemy footsteps, cocking their guns, and there were lots of them. 

And then he heard the familiar tongue of a language he held so close. 

**"Ryuu ha waga teki wo kurau!"**

Then, he saw the two beautiful dragons appear before his eyes. He held his breath as he watched them take out the agents that we're going towards him. He then looked and saw a shadow run away into itself. 

He knew for a fact who it was, but he didn't know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind I have school now, so I wont be able to post more chapters or more stories as frequently. 
> 
> Thanks for the support!


	3. Answers to Millions of Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo is dead.. Right?
> 
> Jesse processes what just happened as he stumbles into an alley, trying to focus again. Some answers he gets are.. Alarming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Hooray!
> 
> Maybe baby Jess will finally get a break in a chapter, but not this chapter. Sorry loves!

He felt the dragons avoid him as they swirled towards the Talon agents behind him. 

_No. It can't be._

His ears were ringing from the dragons' roar, but as he struggled to look up, he saw nothing but leafs drifting with the wind. He let go of the breath he was holding in and limped his way into an alley way. 

_Hanzo is dead._

His mind screamed from the blasting roar, but he tried to focus. No, focus wasn't the right word. Comprehend was better. He breathed in, and out, trying to regain what strength he had. He laid down beside the dumpster and spit at the ground, blood going with it. 

_Answers. That's a priority._

Fight or flight? Flight or fight? He thought for a moment, then shakenly stood up. Fight. He needed answers, now. Answers to the millions of questions buzzing through his head. Who was that? Was that real? Is Hanzo not really-? His mind cut himself off. No. 

_Think Jesse. It is all your good for._

Ok. Where did the culprit go? He wasn't sure, but he hoped he could figure out. His vision began to blur as a flashback happened before his eyes.

**Laughter. There was laughter. The kind of laughter that warmed your soul all the way through. The kind that a family had. He looked up to see Reinhardt happily chortling with Törbjorn, about something to due with a story from the Omnic Crisis. It was a happy one, probably the one where he saved the shorter man's life from a barrage of bullets coming from the turret Omnics. Joy filled the room.**

**He heard the laughter of Angela, giggling as she listened to Hana and Lucio bickering as they played some sort of.. What do you call it... Mortal Kombat CII? He wasn't sure, but Hana was winning by a mile. It was a nice feeling. He looked over to see the archer, watching from a distance with a glass in his hand, something called sake inside. His usually stoic face was plastered on his face, but Jesse knew how to get to him. He came over and smiled, "Howdy, Hanzo." Hanzo looked up, and his gaze softened, "Hello, Jesse." It had taken awhile for Jesse to get to know Hanzo so that they could both say their first names to eachother without the other feeling awkward about it. He smiled, and said, "How Ya doin', Darlin'?" He offered a small chuckle.**

**"I am doing well."**

**"Well I'll be." He thought for a moment. He was going to make the archer smile, whether it took his best efforts or not.**

**"I do believe you look like a tall glass of water on a hot summer's day." He winked.**

**"What is that suppose to mean." It wasn't a question. It was a command to know.**

**"It means you look beautiful!" He laughed, and watched as Hanzo's eyes widened, cheeks turning pink. A smile edged on his lips.**

_Jesse? Jesse!_

He opened his eyes to see a very worried Tracer infront of him, about to try and pick him up. 

"Lena? What?"

"I thought you were dead!" She furrowed her eyebrows. Then she shook her head and stood up. 

"Cmon. The payload is escorted. We can go back to Gibraltar in a day or so."

_No, we can't leave. I need answers._

"Yeah, yeah. I'll catch up to ya. I just need to find somethin' real quick.." He stood up and tipped his hat to her. 

"No. You are coming with. I don't want to loose you again." She grabbe his wrist and said, eyes softening, "It was hard enough as it was just trying to find you. And besides, Angela would us both."

"Ok, Ya got me. Les go." He smiled and Lena let go of his wrist. 

_Maybe I can get answers from everyone. Maybe even Angie._

\-------------

He swallowed as he knocked on the medical ward's door. 

"Who is it?" The Swiss women called.

"It's Jesse." He said, then received a "Come in."

"Hello, Jesse. Are you ok? Do you need an aspirin or something?" She gave a small smile, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"I-I just have some questions.. I hope you don't mind helping me out."

"Oh... Alright!" She pulled in a seat for him, then got herself one.

He sat down and the took in a breath. "I.. I wanted to ask about Hanzo."

Angela's face darkened slightly, as if a secret of hers was told. In fact, it was discovered.

"McCree, I need to tell you something. Please, do not share this information with anyone else." She closed her eyes to prevent herself from seeing his reaction.

"I.. I never found Hanzo's body in King's Row." 

Jesse knew never to show emotion from his years in the Deadlock gang. Boy, was that rule broken. 

A tear filled his eyes, and they began to go down his cheeks. "Doc... Does that mean Hanzo could be alive?" 

"Yes.. Yes Jesse.." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are again. I hope everyone enjoys this, and all that other jazz. Maybe baby McCree will get a break in the next chapter!


	4. I'm Fine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tears streaming down Jesse's face, he yelled, no more like screamed, in frustration. 
> 
> They lied to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww man, just me and my writers block. Im sorry about it!
> 
> But thanks for all of the support!

_We never found Hanzo's body._

Those five words echoed in his years, ringing louder than laughter or bells. They put together choruses of agony, letting his emotions scatter frantically. 

Jesse stood abruptly, tears now streaming down his face.

"Jess-" began Angela, the Swiss woman now beginning to stand up too, but was cut off immediately by the cowboy.

"No. You knew Hanzo could still be alive! You knew Hanzo... Hanzo isn't dead!" He yelled bitterly, words echoing in the medbay, down the hallways and theoughout the base, summoning the other team members.

Jesse, now rippling  and blinded with anger, frustration and grief, shoved the doctor back into her seat, pointing at her accusingly. 

"You lied about Hanzo dying! You lied about even finding his body! You lied to  _me_ , Angela! And do you even care!"

Genji was first to burst through the door, his speed and agility keeping him ahead of the others to come.

"Jesse! Control yourself!" He dashed over to defend the doctor.

Jesse, now blinking away tears, saw the fear laced on Angela's face. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears, face was pale and she was sitting into her seat, backed up as far away from Jesse as possible. 

"Ange.." He mummered something else, but was Reinhartd bursting through the door, face filled with concern. He walked over to the quarry and said gently, "Jesse, please come with me." 

All he earned was a stiff nod.

_Trust no one._

"Jesse, son you need to learn to control your emotions," spoke the tall crusader after a minute of pure silence. "I.. I have lost a number of people... In my line.. Of work." There were hesitations in his voice. It was pained, and almost forced.

"Bu-But Rein..." Jesse murmured, not making eye contact, not wanting his father figure's sympathy.

"Boy, you have every right to feel that way, but Angela is here to help. We all are. Imagine how she feels.. Right now. You aren't the only one who.. Who isn't grieving." The German finished with that, walking into the small garden. Bastion was there, who gave a worried sounding whir and whistle. 

_Bastion is just an omnic. He can't feel emotion._

McCree himself was a self-loathing hypocrite who wore his heart and emotions on his sleeve. Honestly, he felt as if that peice of machinery was capable of at least sensing human emotion. Zenyatta even was a monk of a religion that brought together flesh and metal. To have the same mind, the same rights, as one another.

_Strange, it was only 50 years ago when we were divided amongst race, religion, who you loved, and even what you had in you undergarments. Strange indeed._

He stood there, alone, well the only human there. The omnic walked over, clicking as if it was worried. 

"I'm fine." He gently said, not wanting to get into another pathetic fight because of his petty emotions. 

The small yellow bird flew over, it's name apparently Ganymede. Very unique. Unique indeed. The feathered creature flew over and landed on Bastion's gun. The robot whirred happily.

_There is hope. That one day we will unite again._

  

**Author's Note:**

> And Im going to leave it off there. I hope you have enjoyed this so far!


End file.
